I awoke to the blare of my alarm clock at precisely 7 a.m., which was exactly the time I set it for last night, before I went to sleep (as I tend to do during the night); I took this also to mean that my electricity was running, which meant I paid the bill this month. I found that the sun had risen when I opened my eyes, which led me to the conclusion that it was day time, and rightfully so. As I got out of bed, I was blissfully reassured that gravity was, indeed, working, as all of my weight suddenly shifted toward the center of the Earth. My feet felt cold as they touched the wood panelling of my floor (yep, still oak), which I could only take to mean I still had feet.

       Walking to the bathroom, I discovered all of my motor functions (at least the ones related to the act of walking) were functioning as they should, and, as I leaned over the sink, found that my water was turned on (I paid that bill, too). Deciding to make ample use of my utilities, I then proceeded to take a shower; the soap turned out to be soap, and the shampoo shampoo, and I found that my body and hair were both significantly cleaner afterward. My towel remained a towel as I used its polyester surface...... wait...... all of my towels are cotton! I knew there was something entirely abnormal about today! But this is all irrelevant, because I am a velociraptor.